abandoned.
deserted.
left alone.
let down.

they don't come close. it's my fault. i let myself get close. i let myself get attatched. now i'm left with what i didn't want. this feeling of being alone. i was always alone, i just didn't feel like i was alone. now...well, now i really am.

have you ever had that feeling that no matter what, you can NEVER trust anyone? i was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and she gave me THE most warped view of love. she honestly and truthfully did not believe in love or trust at all. how bad does it have to get for you to truly give up? i don't want that. my biggest fear is being alone. but i'd rather that than betrayal.

so i plan to go to the galleria after the AFA concert. cousin, friends, everyone. at the last minute it all falls apart: cousin goes with the girlfriend, sister goes with boyfriend, friends leave, and it goes down to just Kim, Manuel, and me. we had fun. but there's something that was missing.

don't you wish you could just crawl under a rock and just...

i dunno...i lost it today. i yelled at the AFA kids. i never do. it's not like me. that's when i knew that i'm not ok.